her
7:44PM
12/23/25
its almost christmas and im still unsure about my love for someone. i dont know if im fit to be in love with someone right now, but i felt very much, so, so, so, delighted to see her. we met yesterday, but i wish we hanged out longer, it was only an hour, but that was a special hour. one of the longest hours i've experienced in my entire life. she was really pretty, beautiful, every other synonym that goes with that term. it was just seeing someone so absolutely stunning, you really cant help but look at them every second. her outfit was amazing too, im glad we decided on matching colors before meeting up. we even got a photobooth picture together, two copies obviosuly, so we both own a physical collection of that day. i even recorded 5 minutes of footage with my camera, and for the past night that footage has been replaying in my head every minute, hour, not a single second even. right now, as i write this i'm planning to see the footage back because she really was just so beautiful during that time. everytime we had a conversation my eyes instinctively just looked down on the table but she just kept looking! like you know, a conversation is made so you have to make eye contact, and obviously she kept it, she kept looking at me but i couldnt look at her. every smile she made, every snicker, just every exchange i kept that to my heart. and the fact that she even gave me a sweet tomodachi trinket, and that is one of the least memorable things i could remember just spending time wih her.. man, i wish i get to see her again.
two nights before, i dreamt of her. i dreamt of us going out together in that same mall, and thats when i really started to focus on making that dream possible. my mom is sick, not ill but sick. shes been coughing day in day out and i was taking care of her for the whole week, and i really was on edge the whole week. i felt like a freak in its entirety, just waiting for my moms call to me, and if i mess up and make a slight inconvenience, she'd yell at me, and depending on her fluctuating blood pressure, she'd yell louder to me. i'm used to it already, she's my mother after all, and i was waiting for the right moment for me to ask her about my friend and hanging out with her; and she suprisingly said yes quickly. i wanted to make that dream reality, i felt as if it was a sign that we were inevitably meeting at one point, we would cross paths. we *will* spend time with each other.
times are a changing, and i still had to wait two hours in the mall before seeing her, fate might be toying with my life again, i felt as if it was a test. but inevitably she arrived, and apologized profusely for everything, on top of my city's horrible congestion, she also had other familial issues that went on top of the ride to the mall, which was completely understandable on my end. but the way she revealed herself to me was the sweetest, i was still unaware where she was, i was actively looking for her in the meeting spot we agreed to, and she leaped onto me and scared the shit out of me, and said hi. i said hi back! but after that we hit it off nicely, i was paying attention to everything she said and was actively keeping the conversation going, cause god knows im right where i wanted to be that day. i was with the person whom ive wanted to meet for so long, no one try to stop me from here.
a few weeks before, i spotted a cute book that she definitely wouldve wanted in the bookstore. she wears green to her heart, and the book is a hardbound with a neat design complete with green cloth. it was definitely her kind of book, so i bought it and i gave it to her on the day. she was absolutely delighted, and i was also absolutely delighted to find out she also had something for me to give. she gave me this really cute keychain of a tamagotchi character. i was over the moon as well, and it was all recorded on video in my camera. so cool!! we really just had a really fun time together, and i still think about it even today.
even with all that, im still uncertain on what really we are. we've been texting since august and there really is this connection i feel that isnt present with any other "friend" i have. i have treated her like a penpal throughout the months and its only now i kind of realized i really do like her as a person. i like her for how she is. i feel as if she also takes interest in me, but i felt like it wasnt the time for me to step in and confess. this is our first time meeting with each other probably the day we will remember a lot as we wait for the next day we could be available to meet. she's moving back to cavite to continue her college studies, to which we have to wait until a few months to meet again. i wonder what would really happen in the few months we wait. would we see new people? would things just come in our way naturally? i really wouldnt know.