zig zaggin zig zig zig zaggin
7:25:PM
2/3/26
can you believe we got a month thats equally aligned in the calendar? how cool is that!? anyways, i've been living a lot for january, and i have to say, college is really a kicker. today i just finished three prelims, and i'm still not so confident on my math one. i feel like i flunked it, and i could've done so much better. college is really a doozy, i still gotta go to campus early as FUCK tomorrow because i got a booth to take care of with me and my group for the rest of the week. i'm still so proud of how the publication stuff turned out. the photoshoot was amazing! i love my classmates and friends for making everything i'm living possible and bearable.
in the music departmnt, i released this avant-garde trash i find fun to make, extremely fun actually. and i'm excited for whats to come in my side alias. i've also been listening to the new By Storm aka Injury Reserve album, "My Ghosts Go Ghost", its a very amazing hip hop, abstract piece that keeps me on my toes. the song stuck in my head right now is "Zig Zag", especially that irregular, ear-catching hook they made and the drums that scatter all over your ear. its really fun, and heartbreaking. i've also been taking the (for now) free bus in my city. a lot of albums ive been keeping on my rotation because of it.
Is This It - The Strokes, Xavier - xaviersobased, DARKLIGHT - The Sidepeices, Nurture - Porter Robinson, Forever Howlong - Black Country New Road
for my "understanding the self" class, we had to learn about physical body view and self-esteem, and during it our professor made us fill a form that made us list 10 physical attributes to our bodies that we like and why. this was horrible for me, i could only name two attributes, that being my eyes and my dimples, but everything else i felt so worthless filling things up. not that i lied, i do like my hands, my legs and what not, i jusy felt off writing about it, there was something somewhere i didnt agree with, stuff just didnt feel right. now i look at my face and i feel heavily insecure, i see people looking at me with a look i cant comprehend, i dont know really, i really dont. i look at the people that view my instagram stories and see an audience im not supposed to see. maybe social media needs to bar analytics from us, i feel like its making us all insecure more, or maybe its just me.
in my communications class, my professor gave us the rhetorical question: "does the fish know that the water is wet?", there i thought to myself that, well i am the fish there, and i'm very much aware that the water is wet because i've tried to get out the water so many times, but i still end up falling back to the wet algorithm that feeds me the things i want to see and hear. i admire people that can get out of the social media hellscape, how can i know the things going on in this world? as brutal as it is, i still need to know the bits and pieces, the woke and unwoke, the grit, the details of whatever event just happened in the world. im just a fish, with my school, swimming around looking for bait to chew on. i feel like i should just get out of the water once and for all, maybe go ghost, and my ghosts go ghost after.
i still think about you.
i still think about everything we've done and interacted with, and i wish stuff happened more between us, and if you're going through whatever busy thing, its not my business! but, send me a reply if you do read this. im waiting for whatever, im waiting whenever. i really dont know, i really dont. but you're always on my mind, and i dont know if you feel the same way. i'll say it soon, maybe, maybe not, if you see what's happening, then you might connect the dots. just know im still zig zaggin... zig zig zig zaggin.. through the mooooon