i feel like falling in love again
12:29AM
11/29/25
sometimes i feel like i cant keep up with anything in relationships. i get interested, i lose it in about two months, i think about them a lot after. its a weird feeling to be in "love", the whole shmucky process of being with someone is weird but is very human. this is what we do, we talk, we take interest, we connect. but being human means being tedious. love is a very complicated thing, how you can get two people to be interested in each other is both serious and unserious. some people have flings, some people want something longer, some people want to be chill with it, some people are dependent of each other. every single person living is different in their own way and people are lucky to have one person click with them in their own right. right now, i feel nothing but interest and losing that interest. i cant keep up, right now i cant find that person, really. maybe its my own gripe with processing previous grievances and incidents but right now things really arent going right. but now im stuck in some whirlwind of hearts and cakes.
i write this with the thought that they're reading, to which in this case, hello! i like you. very much so. im still debating on things honestly, i hope you dont take things the wrong way between us. i also want the both of us to be very chill with each other, and if we do maybe click in some way, i hope its in good faith and its natural, gosh.there was a time i wouldve given everything i could just to make someone click with me, i wouldve given the person im interested in thousands of letters and gifts by now, showering them with affection but thats not me anymore, im just not that guy. right now, im a nervous wreck, i think for the last few months ive been a nervous wreck when it comes to people in general. ive been so awkward to people ive liked its not even funny anymore, i really dont know what to do. theres so many people out there getting in relationships in quick suggestion, and not that i envy them, people are different and these things take time, especially for a person like me, and maybe even for a person like them, but its just that i sometimes ask myself if im doing something wrong. maybe there are some points in time i wouldve wished i ran it back and did some things differently, cause there are at points where its all on me, i think people feel the same way.
we really cant turn back time, not at all, and we can only fantasize in doing it because weve made so many mistakes in our lives. but the beauty of the inability to run things back, is that you learn. ive had a lot of time to process things, some things i havent really did properly, but there are some things i have processed completely i can say for certain. im certain that i never want to go back at some points, maybe i dont even want to go back ever really. its best to really just move forward, the sun still sets, it rises, the country still is blazing hot, time passes. it moves. what i am saying is that i really like this person, i dont know where im going with writing this to be honest, its more of, i mean my consensus is that i never think id be the person i am today without those mistakes, those perceptions i made with love, the messages i read, the amount of times ive utilized the comma key in my writing to list down things in succession, all that. and to you reading, i hope you like me for who i am, because i also do like you for who you are. you're an amazing person through and through and seeing you is going to be cool. again, all in good faith! waving back to me was enough for me to like you. dont know if thats a bad thing or not, but right now i like you, really do. i dont believe in begging people to give other people chances. i think its inevitable that people are deserving of chances, and once you get rejected you're out of there. you can bargain, but will you really be sure you'll do it this time? will you really succeed in what you're doing?, to me i accept my surroundings immediately once losing that chance. i never want to go back a second time in whatever it is. i dont like that phrase of "give me a chance", its weird. love is weird, humans are weird, im most definitely weird. but right now, right this very night, and to whoever reading, i feel like falling in love again.